1/26

Wow, it seems like it's been over a month since I've journaled, but somehow it's only been 20 days. It's absolutely unbelievable, the things that can take place in 20 days. Or in the course of one day. This post is particularly hard to write, because so many things have happened, I don't want to spend a lot of time for each thing, but I also don't want to just pass over it.

On January 10th, my sweet friend, Collin, was killed in a car accident by an alleged drunk driver going the wrong way on I-170. I still have a hard time saying that. I love him so much. More than I even thought I did. I did my best to write something to honor him...

"I don't exactly know how to do justice to a memorial of my friend, Collin. The kind of person who you love to be around, and never particularly want to leave. The sort who takes a short cut past the small talk and really gets to know you for who you are. Characterized by love, humor, humility, gentleness, joy, and perseverance, he has, and continues to be a great inspiration and example to me, and endless others who have known him. I have no doubt in my mind that his precious little ones will grow up with no shortage of people to remind them of the kind of man their father was and endeavored to be. He was the kind of person you just couldn't help but be changed by knowing, and couldn't know without loving. Even though his spirit is elsewhere, his heart can still be seen in the lives of the people he loved.
I'm definitely going to miss the impromptu office visits, jam sessions, hugs, hang outs and heart to hearts. And I can't wait to see his smile (and other odd expressions lol) when we catch up to him in Heaven. I can't help but smile when I think of what his response might have been, finally seeing the beauty of God… (nothing for him to tweak or correct! haha)… there doesn't seem to be a more fitting place for him. And although it's extremely hard for us to imagine life without him on earth, for him it's just a moment until he welcomes his brothers and sisters home. Nothing that can be said ever seems to be enough, or could ever really fully disclose the funny, crazy, sweet dude that is Collin. But if he could ever take a glance to earth again, he'd see his friends laughing, crying, and remembering the endless meaningful times with him. I don't think anything could make him more glad. I love and miss you so much, brother. Please pray for his two little ones, family, and friends that are missing him right now. Lord, be so close."

I made these for Jude and Celia

New '15

1/3

New year. New joys. New sorrows. New Challenges. New victories. New failures. New adventures.

This year's resolutions are still in the making for me. There's a whole lot of things that I want to do. But one of them is putting my own wants aside and keeping an open mind to what The Lord wants for me. What do you have for me this year, God? Where will you lead?

Random tidbits. 

Saw "Unbroken" (story of Louie Zamperini) with Hannah and Christina today. Makes you think, and appreciate. Inspiring story.

Later had an extra rehearsal for Grace East at the Schafer's house. They are some of my most favorite people that The Lord has placed in my life. Daniel and Erin are so encouraging and are truly inspiring to me. Their kindness, generosity, hopefulness, and just overflowing love is infectious and love spending time with them! I just hope I can encouraging in some of those things to them as well. We had some great conversation! After a long visit with friends who stayed a while after a baby shower that Erin threw for her friend, and a super quick tamale run to Trader Joe's, we had dinner and talked about many things. But one thing meant a whole lot to me. Erin told me that she and Daniel had been talking about me the other night, and Daniel had paused and said something like... "I think Gina Marie will make a good wife". Erin told me that that was very special coming from Daniel, because he normally doesn't say things like that. That means the world to me. Also, as were talking about relationships, and I expressed that I didn't really know what I would do if and when I found somebody! How awkward would it be getting used to saying "my boyfriend"?! But I told them that when I DID meet somebody, I would definitely need to introduce them. Daniel came up with the code word "tamale" so all I'll have to say is "hey... so... can me and [so and so] come over for tamales? lol. 

Erin also said something super sweet. She told me that when she was introducing me to people earlier, she though "you don't realize who you're meeting". She said that the more she and Daniel get to know me, the more they love me, but she thinks it takes time to get to know me. That meant a lot too, not because she thinks I'm cool, but because they HAVE taken time to get to know me. She also said she thinks that whoever I meet eventually will be someone who I already know or will work alongside. Interesting thoughts... lol. I'm so excited for that day when I have someone to take to a tamale dinner. lol! 

1/4

Sang at Grace East! It went well! Good times as always. I've met some new friends via our east campus. Like Jack (who's name really isn't Jack, but no one can pronounce his Haitian name), Mindy (who I met over the Christmas service), Dave Hopkins and his sons, and John and Mary Friedman. John and Mary are younger, around age 17 and 18. They're family is going through a super difficult time right now as their father is dying. He is a believer, and a very loving father. Cancer has taken over his body, but not his spirit. They seem like they are a very strongly grounded family, but this kind of thing is never easy for anyone. Daniel and Erin have been taking food over there and doing worship at the house, so that the Dad can be a part of it. He used to play guitar for church. 

Later, I played at intercession. I love the service. I wish I was able to say right now that I am totally surrendered to prayer and seeking the Lord. Lord, help me! I want to have a heart undivided! I'm having a difficult time with that. And I think that affects how I interact with people... so that can be awkward. I love everyone involved. But my insecurities, shyness, and timidity seem to peak when I'm around them. Lord, help me to find perspective and joy through You. 

1/5

I'm trying to be super honest with this journaling thing. Today was not a great morning in some aspects. I was supposed to meet Katelyn for breakfast this morning, but last night, Mom got on me about my room (an absolute wreck right now). I didn't clean it last night, and didn't do it early enough this morning to still meet with Katelyn, so I had to cancel. I feel like a silly little kid... there are so many "more important" things happening and here I am getting in trouble for not cleaning my room? These are the things that tend to be discouraging. But I'm gonna clean my room tonight when I get home from Charming Charlie (it's my last day of work there) and clean it. For now, I gotta go get ready for work.